dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I understand Curling. That high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
