If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
