VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
