Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
