I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
