4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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