you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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