why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
