one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
