It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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