Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
