it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize