No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was like eating out sand paper
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
