i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
