WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
