Got a toothbrush?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
