i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
