So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
