I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
