I accidentally had phone sex last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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