I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
