I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
