Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
