Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
