I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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