nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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