I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
