At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
