A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize