he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize