I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
