non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
