I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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