Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
