At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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