I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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