so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
