Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
