after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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