Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
