I'm eating all of the evidence.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
