just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
