at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
