I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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