I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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