I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
