Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
