Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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