I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
