I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
