I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
