CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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