This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
