White coat. Heels.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
