i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
