Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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