Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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