Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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