No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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