Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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