He kissed a someone with a penis
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
