You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
