glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
