Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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