if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
