He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize