I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
