I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
