was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
me + whiskey = a bad person
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
