My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
