why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish i was in the wii world.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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